“You do not seem to understand what I am trying to say” Is the comment I heard a daughter tell her mother while I was reading my book at the coffee shop.
Their conversation reminded me of some of the other comments we hear or say in our personal or professional relationships.
- “You are just not listening to me”
- “I am not interested”
- “I do not understand why you need me to do this?”
Everything the mother was saying to her daughter made complete sense. Unfortunately, what the mother did not realize is that she was speaking in a language that her daughter did not know or relate to.
Even when we have relevant information others need, if we do not speak in their language the interaction leads directly to frustration, mis-understanding and ineffectiveness.
Speaking to one’s personality is nothing more than speaking to one in their language.
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When we become aware of peoples personalities, there are endless benefits:
- We can more easily predict what others will do, say, think and feel given different situations.
- We will understand WHY they feel the way they do.
- Why they respond or react the way they do.
- Make the decisions they do.
All of us have an intrinsic need to feel understood. When a client feels that you understand what they’re needs are, why they are making particular decisions, or that you innately understand them for who they are at their most basic level, than and only than will they want to connect with you at a deeper level. Loyalty and referrals start from that point on.
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Imagine the impact in your personal life, spouse, children, teenagers…How much does the feeling of being understood play a part in those relationships?
We have all met people with the attitude “why should I change? – they should change first”. I believe this attitude is the lowest form of communication between two individuals. We must commit to letting go of this archaic form of thinking and communicating.
Being understood is more important to people than getting what they want.
Oh wait a minute – That is exactly what they want. 
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“If you talk to a person in a language they understand that goes to their head.
If you talk to them in their language, that goes to their heart.”
Nelson Mandela
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