For me life is a series of lessons put in front of us – our learning comes from looking back at how we reacted and responded to them. It is very easy to blow things out of proportion in our daily lives.
As many of you know I just finished the launch of my new book “Courage to be Naked”. I didn’t just want to release it I wanted to release it with a purpose. So because of all your support, we were able to put 25 new kids into supportive camps.
Anyway, back to what I was saying, life teaches us so many lessons and this book launch was full of them for me. From how amazing people are by their support right to the other end of the spectrum of how easily people walk away from their committed word of support.
The postal strike was one of these challenges. All in all there weren’t that many books that were lost or didn’t reach their destination, but one in particular didn’t. And yes, I was to be sued for $7.87. ha ha – Yes, I myself had a good laugh.
We will leave her name anonymous as the intent of this post is not to embarrass anyone but more so to take this as a lesson for all of us on how easily we transfer our struggles we might be facing in life on to others. I received a few e-mails that were escalating in severity from one lady who did not receive her free book and she was not impressed.
At first I was a little curious as to why someone would be so enraged about not receiving a free book. I took it as sort of a compliment, after all, she wanted my book so badly that she was angry at me for not having received it. 
Being that there was a postal strike, I thought it was just delayed like a few others that had been sent. I sent a message back and told her I would look into it. I had found out that books in her location was talking a little extra time.
While I was sorting out the details with the distributor and Canada Post. I got an angry e-mail back -
“I have requested a refund as i have still not receivede my order. I have spoken to my lawyer and if I do not receive the refund in 10 business days you will receive a summons.”
- Her refund was for the cost of shipping a book.
A few things were going on in my mind.
1. The book was free and only shipping and handling was charged on the good faith that some of my recipients would donate to the cause.
2. She never even donated anything towards the children’s camps
3. What could cause someone to be so angry at such a small event in life.
4. This is a personal trainer where her main role is to help her clients feel good about themselves. Be it the fitness industry or any other, if we focus on making people feel good and being compassionate it is amazing the peace we can spread in their lives and ours.
I must admit for a few minutes I was both angry and disillusioned. I was trying to raise money for children, and now I was being threatened with a potential lawsuit over shipping and handling? I just felt I had better things to do.
Instead of the knee-jerk reaction of anger I responded with compassion. This person for whatever reason was going through something that I couldn’t possibly understand, and it made her lash out as a way of dealing with the feelings she was having.
By me reacting, I would be no better. Worse yet, all I would be doing is spreading the anger and pain instead of compassion.
So my genuine reply to her was:
“Here you go XXXXXX – Your credit card has been refunded as of August 3rd 2011 – They took a screen capture for your records.
We also just got notification back that the book was shipped and dropped off – so someone at your gym actually has your book as well as it was shipped to a gym….
We might see each other at the Can-Fit-Pro conference. Where I hope to have the opportunity to apologize for this inconvenience and stress all this has caused in your life.”
Yes, you read right – the book was actually shipped and delivered - probably being read by someone with sticky fingers even as I write this.
Here is the power of compassion. I received a reply back from her and I had to wonder if this was the same person.
“I will definitely stop by at the conference and I would love to meet you in person as I continue to be a fan of your work”
So if I had reacted to my knee-jerk response of initial annoyance, not taking into consideration her feelings or what she may be going through, I would’ve turned a fan into an enemy. And worse, spread anger instead of compassion.
In life we need to slow down enough to realize that we are all human and as human’s we at times need to vent our emotions onto others. When we do not take this personally and honor the people for where they are at that moment in time, we in turn honor our self.
……. She never said if she was going to drop the lawsuit though? : )
Always remember to be nice to everyone, especially those that need it.
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Do share below the times you struggled to be nice or humanly reacted
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Very interesting story. One I think we all can relate to.
Sometimes the people that we help the most, are the ones that take advantage of that kindness. Friends, clients, colleagues, family…
My teacher taught me that you cannot be used if you are not useful, so in a way it’s a compliment, perhaps quite misplaced and perverted, but a compliment, considering the source.
Blessings, and keep on with those Yoga lessons, seeing it affect your thought process and writing.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
A great way of looking at it – you have to be useful to be used. Love it.
We have all been there – it is what makes us human, over reacting to inconsequential things.
I know I have been there and will be there again. I hope the receiving end will in turn have the compassion for my moment.
Hi Fred
thanks for sharing your thoughts here
I understand your point of view and I think you did great by reaction in calm and thoughtful way as you know many people have been screwed over this kind of stuff and perhaps she had some similar experiences in the past that’s why she reacted that way, but what you do is amazing and we all appreciate your goodness for sure
thanks
Sam
Sam, thanks for the nice words.
I have to admit, my initial reaction was a bit of annoyance. After that you are right, I had to put myself in her shoes and be compassionate of what ever the situation was.
We don’t always have to understand and have an answer. At times we just need to accept and be there for others.
Fred, I am always surprised at how you look at life. It takes a truly special guy to keep his cool. Once in awhile I lose it a bit and I try (not always successfully) to react the way I think that you would.
Eyegandhi, I wish I could also do it all the time. We are all human.
We all have our time of breakage.
I can relate to your experience. Since my studies in ethics
I have chosen to act with as pure intention of good will as possible. To stop and think before answering with anger. To consider what my goal really is and how to make the gap smaller between me and the person I have a conflicted with. You acted wisely and did just right!!!
Sorry, I will not meet you this summer, for once not taking part in the conference.
Louise, thanks for such amazing words.
You will be missed at the conference, it will be a great one.
One day our paths will cross.
Hi Fred,
I just finished reading your post and when something like that happens I am being reminded to not make any assumptions.
I really like the way you responded because it was without reaction and ego.
We never know what are the others going through at that particular moment when they react that way.
“Miracles and Magic”
Eva
Eva, that is the main reason why it was sent out. For us to remember that we do not know what others are facing at the moment and for us to just spread kindness.
Have a great day and thanks for the comment.
Learning experience versus reaction, always a great lesson and a good reminder. So why does it sometimes elude me when I’m driving?
(I’m working on it) Thanks Fred!
David, I ask the same question to myself at times – “Ah! – why did I react to that…”
Thanks for sharing
It is often easy to tell other people how they could have or should have reacted…. BUT to actually take your own advice takes a lot of focus.
You are, as always, a class act!!!
Jen, thank you for the kind words.
Yes, how true it is, so easy to give advice but a lot harder to live it
“In life we need to slow down enough to realize that we are all human and as human’s we at times need to vent our emotions onto others. When we do not take this personally and honor the people for where they are at that moment in time, we in turn honor our self.” Thank you for this timely reminder, Fred. You have inspired me to be more deliberate and less reactionary in my responses to people’s humanness. Leanne
Leanne, thanks for taking the time to share your amazing words.
All these replies is reminding me even more how important it is to honor others.
My Dear Fred:
This was an interesting opportunity
TO WALK THE TALK.
Take a close look at the word SET-UP and UP-SET.
The SET is SET.
Its the UP that moves before or after the SET
that changes the mood.
In other words
when the SET-UP is not in sync what one has in mind
it tends to make one UP-SET.
Once you undertand this philosophy you will realize that:
She is not trying to hurt you
She is hurting herself.
That will allow you to handle your passion with compassion.
I am glad to note that you chose to address this issue with love and compassion.
With love, light and gratitude from
Meher Amalsad
Author of Bread For the Head™