I have a friend that came off a long term relationship. She is going through obvious emotions that are overwhelming her every moment of the day.
One of the greatest tortures a human can go through is the feeling of being alone and loneliness. That is not to say people cannot find peace being alone in their own space. I am more so talking about a persons state of mind.
She went on to say that she is “tired of being alone and will start asking men out on dates.” There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, as long as you are aware of your intentions of doing so.
I asked her what was it that she was trying to accomplish with going on dates so soon? Out of respect for her, I have left her response out of this post but have included my response to her as I believe it is relevant to all of us in our lives at one point or another.
FRED’S RESPONSE:
The reason for my question to you is to get a better idea of why you were looking to ask guys out.
If all you are looking for is to get out of your own space and be around people that are like minded doing what you enjoy doing.
Than
Maybe instead of looking for a guy to go out with, you should consider going to events and joining things you enjoy doing. This way you will meet like minded people that enjoy what you like to do. You will make new friends and if you meet someone along the way, than that would be a bonus.
Be aware of the 101 textbook reaction after a long term relationship. People get so used to having one person around that they start looking to get back in the comfort zone of wanting another person for the sake of not being alone.
Go do things you enjoy and the right people will gravitate towards you.
Fred Sarkari
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So true!!! It took me over two years to be able to say “I would rather be single and love my life than spending time with the wrong person ” – This is something that took time to know and learn about myself. Sometimes in relationships or after one ends, it can be easy to lose sight of who we are and what makes you unique. Love life and enjoy it, and as you say, the right people will gravitate towards you.
Sarah, thanks for your comments.
You are absolutely right. That is why awareness is one of the most powerful traits you can work on in any aspect of your life.
When one comes out of a long term relationship and says the famous words “I am over him/her, I have been long before we ended the relationship.” That is the first indication that you have been bottling up your true emotions. And that is one bottle you do not want to take to your next relationship.
Sarah, what you say is one of the most critical things in any relationship. It is critical for us to love ourselves and be comfortable to spend time on our own.
Relationships are not meant to fill a void they are meant to bring out the best in us.
Fred Sarkari
when you say her emotions are overwhelming her every moment of the day WOW! must be rough..
when people say the famous words i am over him/her, i have been long before we ended the relationship. maybe this is an indication that they have been bottling up their true emotions or maybe not. Its really hard to tell what a persons true emotions are unless you are that person.
I agree that we must be comfortable with spending time alone and love ourselves. but sometimes this can lead to a perpetual problem. .. spending to much time alone focused on ourselves.
Yes yes! relationships should bring out the best in us and not simply fill a void. couldn’t of said it better.
Hello Holly,
You are right, it can be overwhelming. At the same time it is a blessing in disguise. It forces her to look within herself.
There is only two ways out of the ‘overwhelming’ feeling.
1. Ignore and avoid it and in time it will manifest into ‘nasty’ behavior traits. That is the same principle as when you stub your toe, punch a metal door so the pain in your hands will take your mind off of the pain in your toe.
2. Second, look within yourself, become more aware of your true emotions and in time you will create clarity in what truly causes them.
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On your second note, I have to say that you are absolutely right. That being said, most people themselves do not know what their true emotions are.
There are a few indications but one of them being that some people start believing what they want their emotions to be.
That is where #2 from above is very critical, it creates the clarity that we need in our lives.
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Holly, once again you are right. It is not a matter of can we be happy alone for ever. We are human and a critical human need is a need of companionship, human touch, the need to be wanted and the need to want.
A relationship is not about fill ones need it is about the other person brining out the best in us and vice – versa. That is a relationship as everything else will be a by-product of it.
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I would be curious to know from people how quickly they believed they were over a relationship and as time went by they realized they really weren’t.